A Letter From President Abraham Theodore Rockefeller III to Despot Katherine III of Hudson

(Constantino Brumidi, Study for the Apotheosis of Washington in the Rotunda of the United States Capitol Building, ca. 1859-1862, oil on canvas, 35 1/4 in. (89.5 cm) diam., Smithsonian American Art Museum, Museum purchase made possible by the American Art Forum, 2012.15)

Governor Katherine Weaver the 3rd

Empire State Plaza

Albany, State of Hudson

5th of Delaware, 776 A.D.

Governor Weaver,

I am bemused why I must write you.

I can't help but wonder why you would expect me to move against Gotham — no less my own blood — now, when it has stood on its own for centuries? Whatever claim the Empire State once had to the Republic, has long since vanquished. Gotham is a free and proud people, independent from the rules and customs of Albany. Your claim holds the weight of an oyster shell.

I hope that nothing more must be said, but let me remind you by whose rules you follow: it is not mine, nor is it yours, but it is those of the Founding Fathers, whose divine law was declared in the first year of our sacred Union. We shall have no kings, nor monarchs, ruling over those in our Land of Liberty. And do not tire your pen with false comparisons to Maine in your next letter; you know as well as I that the title of "Kingdom" is a symbolic one in their land, same as the title of "Empire State"is for yours.

Remember also your motto: "Excelsior." Yours is a land of superior quality, some of the best in the Union. Do not fall into the trappings of power that lure you to want more. Gotham deserves independence, the same as Hudson. With so many faltering at our borders, we cannot afford instability inside what remains of our once-expansive Union. Be content in what you already possess.

In the interest of fairness, as you were bold enough to request it: you can be assured that you do not have my blessing, under the eyes of the Founding Fathers and by decree of the Declaration of Independence. I will be sending reinforcements to West Point as a precautionary measure against any potential future hostilities. You will cease your harassment of Gotham at once.

As much as it pains me to write, I do not expect you to provide a tree to the Center, but I do expect cordiality between you and my brother. I would even extend an invitation to you as a guest of honor at the Capitol, should you stay true to your faith.

I pray that you seek indulgences in your next correspondence.

With Washington As My Witness,

President of this Union of Thirteen Realms,
Abraham Theodore Rockefeller the Third.

E Pluribus Unum.